Tag Archive | let go

Pause

Recently, in a frustrated series of moments, I am agitated, anxious, and have no clue what to do next. I give in, sit down, and ask the Universe, along with anyone or everyone who is possibly listening and might want to chime in –

What can I do when I do not know what to do?

And the answer comes immediately –

Sit and be still.

Really, is it so simple? I decide to explore this a little. What if, in the moments when it seems there is no clue what to do, where to go, who or what to reach for … what if we just hit the pause button, and stop. No movement, no striving, no seeking, searching, fixing, solving. What if this is the perfect thing to do? What if we could then have clear access to the deepest and most honest response to our lives in that moment?

And what if the rest of the response is that being, is enough. Yeah. Sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes… Impatience is not my friend, but we know each other quite well these days, weeks, months.

I am a doer. I love to make things with my hands, to figure out how to fix or repair something, to find a solution that nobody else thought of. I like to learn things, to explore, to go to new places, meet people, hear their stories, and bring a little of their energy back with me. I like to take photos, make music, sing, and laugh a lot. I like to draw, to make a beautiful mess with colors. I like to hike, paddle, climb, ski, swing, fly, run, dance, cycle, and make a big splash somewhere just for the fun of it. I like to play in the garden, dig in the dirt, and see what nature wants to bring to the party. I like to share things, help things, network, link, hug, love, and smile because connection feels really, really good. I got a lot of places I want to go before I pass on to the other side, and hitting the “pause” button, well, that’s fine for later. But now? Now, I definitely have a lot o’things to do! I want to be active, to contribute, to participate… Being still has not been my first choice – ever.

The Universe, she has her own plan. She has been slowly disappearing things from my world. Things that I have known and loved, that have been a comfort, or something solid I could always count on, or even things I have wished for, and now there is no appeal. She has been muting so much of my life that I wonder – who is this person here, anyway?

And so, with a taste of surrender, I do hit the “pause” button. Shoulders down, deep breath. A little sad, that I can not be blissfully unaware, that the old ways no longer work…I have stopped in my life before, but not ever with such a conscious intent to pay attention.

And you know what? There is something sweet in there, once the mind lets go and the willingness takes over. I recognize this feeling, fleeting as it may be, and I like it.

Peace.

The feeling of being at peace. Wow. Once again, is it really so simple? Well, maybe it is, at least in this moment. And, I’ll take it – the moment, that is. And maybe the next one as well. After that, we’ll see what happens. I know amnesia can have a way of settling in, that life can offer her distractions, and yet, for now, I will say –

Thank you, and blessings be.

 All Content Copyright © 2012  Photos/Words by Amy Allis

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Signs of life

Life has been a bit tough lately. It has been amazing, too, but also a challenge. Yes, there are profound changes, wondrous gifts, surprising connections and reconnection. And I am grateful, yes indeed.  There has also been a rising intensity and sometimes overwhelming examples of just how out of balance our existence is here on the planet. It can be painful to witness these things, to feel them – especially when they are glaring examples that show up from inside our own selves…

And so, inevitably, a humbling reminder comes of my own  imbalance, which has been growing for a while. First as a quiet unease, a sense that something is not quite right. When ignored, it gets louder, the unease is almost unbearable. I finally stop, let life come to a halt, sitting in the car, completely exhausted, unsure what to do, where to go. I remember – when unsure of where to begin, start with the breath. Yes. This always works. So, breathing, becoming conscious, slowing down to center. And in the center is: surrender. And in the surrender is: truth. The message that wants to be heard. There it is. Small, a delicate thought, a shift, a letting go, a new view – subtle, yet so necessary and powerful. Yes. Embarrassing, humbling, yes. Also there is relief in the knowing of it, a chance to stand on a clear foundation.

So, I am sitting there, still, slowly adjusting, beginning to see the world through new eyes. Any hardness is softened, no need for protection. I ask – is this what you have wanted me to get to? The answer – yes. Ok then. Here I am, ready to start over from a place that truly matters.

And then it comes, finding it’s way through my partly opened window, nudging it’s little self into my tired awareness… a tiny bird somewhere in the tree next to me, singing her heart out, singing as if her life depended on it, singing — for me. One moment, one deep breath of surrender, and there it is – a sign of life. My day is changed. I chuckle in spite of myself, and I say Thank You.

 All Content Copyright © 2012  Photos/Words by Amy Allis