Recently, in a frustrated series of moments, I am agitated, anxious, and have no clue what to do next. I give in, sit down, and ask the Universe, along with anyone or everyone who is possibly listening and might want to chime in –
What can I do when I do not know what to do?
And the answer comes immediately –
Sit and be still.
Really, is it so simple? I decide to explore this a little. What if, in the moments when it seems there is no clue what to do, where to go, who or what to reach for … what if we just hit the pause button, and stop. No movement, no striving, no seeking, searching, fixing, solving. What if this is the perfect thing to do? What if we could then have clear access to the deepest and most honest response to our lives in that moment?
And what if the rest of the response is that being, is enough. Yeah. Sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes… Impatience is not my friend, but we know each other quite well these days, weeks, months.
I am a doer. I love to make things with my hands, to figure out how to fix or repair something, to find a solution that nobody else thought of. I like to learn things, to explore, to go to new places, meet people, hear their stories, and bring a little of their energy back with me. I like to take photos, make music, sing, and laugh a lot. I like to draw, to make a beautiful mess with colors. I like to hike, paddle, climb, ski, swing, fly, run, dance, cycle, and make a big splash somewhere just for the fun of it. I like to play in the garden, dig in the dirt, and see what nature wants to bring to the party. I like to share things, help things, network, link, hug, love, and smile because connection feels really, really good. I got a lot of places I want to go before I pass on to the other side, and hitting the “pause” button, well, that’s fine for later. But now? Now, I definitely have a lot o’things to do! I want to be active, to contribute, to participate… Being still has not been my first choice – ever.
The Universe, she has her own plan. She has been slowly disappearing things from my world. Things that I have known and loved, that have been a comfort, or something solid I could always count on, or even things I have wished for, and now there is no appeal. She has been muting so much of my life that I wonder – who is this person here, anyway?
And so, with a taste of surrender, I do hit the “pause” button. Shoulders down, deep breath. A little sad, that I can not be blissfully unaware, that the old ways no longer work…I have stopped in my life before, but not ever with such a conscious intent to pay attention.
And you know what? There is something sweet in there, once the mind lets go and the willingness takes over. I recognize this feeling, fleeting as it may be, and I like it.
The feeling of being at peace. Wow. Once again, is it really so simple? Well, maybe it is, at least in this moment. And, I’ll take it – the moment, that is. And maybe the next one as well. After that, we’ll see what happens. I know amnesia can have a way of settling in, that life can offer her distractions, and yet, for now, I will say –
Thank you, and blessings be.
All Content Copyright © 2012 Photos/Words by Amy Allis